if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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