She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The power of my boobs compel you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
