I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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