i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
