hotel room ftw
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
