no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
