i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
