just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
