Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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