I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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