i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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