I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
