I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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