Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
