remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
