Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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