Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
