coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
