I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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