If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
