I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
