I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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