He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
