I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
