So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So. Much. Porn.
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