awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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