did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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