Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
