Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my liver is dry heaving
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
