i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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