So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
