Me. At least after what I've been through.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
