hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
