based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
