the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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