I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
