so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
