I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What a dumb baby whore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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