My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
