her facebook's as public as her vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
