i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
