Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
