then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
