last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think weed is turning my hair brown
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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