Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
