OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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