Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
