All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
