Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
