Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
