bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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